The thing that is really shitty about feeling perpetually ashamed of yourself is that you never feel like a real person. You never feel like you can develop interests because if you like it, that means it is stupid. You never feel like you can develop solid friendships because they will just leave when they find someone better. You never feel like you can have career goals because who would hire you?
So you here you are, starving for Joy, for Love, for Security, for Comfort, and choking back your tongue every time your mouth opens to ask for it while the need scratches inside your skin.
And it just goes on and on until you are an empty box of a person with nothing inside of you.